Fifty Shades Darker Novel Review: The novel might not intrigue you but this review might.

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Even after the terrible start to series I decided to read Fifty Shades because I thought there was some mystery in the novel and I had to know what happened to Anastasia.  I try not to admit it, but it was also the fun factor which reeled me in.

To be quite literal with this one, Salman Khan wouldn’t beat people this many times, Jason Statham wouldn’t fire as many bullets in a movie as the number of times Grey and Ana have sex.

Bad writing style made me a little dizzy, as at least giving this novel a bad rating will rejuvenate me. This novel was as bad as its predecessor, Fifty Shades of Grey. It was still a fast read, don’t get me wrong, but badass Grey was lacking in the novel, maybe because he didn’t get to tie up Ana as much as he wanted.

The novel starts where the prequel left off, Ana dashing out of his playroom. The twitching palm of Christian Grey continues to twitch, but doesn’t get the necessary fuel (spanking, that is).

The dialogues and the phrases used are unintentionally funny, like the very first sentence:

“He’s come back. Mommy’s asleep or she’s sick again.” You really can’t help but laugh at it. And we begin with a prologue of Christian Grey having a nightmare regarding his childhood memory. It’s kind of awkward when you’re faced with, “You are one fucked up bitch”, six times in a row on the very first page.

We catch up with Ana, where now she is working as an Assistant at SIP publishing House. After a lot of whining of the likes of, “Have I really broken up with Christian Grey?”, “Is it really over between us?” and shit. Christian swoops in at the first opportunity with yet another proposition, and well, Ana is back into relationship with him. A lot happens between the pages, none of which is truly intriguing and the book ends with Ana saying yes to Christian’s marriage proposal after having sex or before. I don’t exactly remember. They have sex many times, you’ve got to understand.

Sex scenes are very insipid, more precisely, their content. Christian flashes Ana a look, Ana bites her lower lip, his eyes darken (I think he has an eye problem) and says, “You’re biting your lip again” (Oh God! Like she didn’t know), everything south of Ana’s waist paralyses under his gaze, some undressing ensues, he establishes that she looks beautiful or beguiling, he kisses, sucks, nips, licks and Ana, who has been passive, all of a sudden explodes. Seriously, this woman needs to improve her track record.

The worst moment after sex is, Christian always up on top of Ana after his release and Ana looses consciousness after orgasm!!? Christian elevates from “fucking” to “love making” which is kind of soothing as it does the much needed romantic ambience to the wane looking novel, Christian looses his rage-inducing, all domineering look all of a sudden.

EL James’ understanding of discussion is that, if they’re into an argument, Christian Grey gazes at Ana, she’s disarmed, when he touches her, she melts and when he has sex with her, and the discussion is over.

What’s more is, they have sex after every few pages. I mean, you’re going to make them have sex, at least have the courtesy to describe it in a better way. I was literally left with the same stuff to read for at least 15 times. My God! Think about the poor souls who’re still chaste, they might get turned off, forever.  EL James has dealt with the whole story in a tacky way and what’s worse is the poor execution. This isn’t even a love story, when it’s brimming with just the carnal pleasure.

You know what’s nauseous? Ana whining about how she has spent the past week. In one scene she’s like,

Christian: “Stay with me a moment. Taylor wants us to wait while the crowd disperses.”

Ana: (thinks) Oh.

Christian: “I think that fireworks display probably aged him a hundred years.”

Ana: “Doesn’t he like fireworks?”

lol laughing laugh chloe grace moretz

I’m like, “WTF did you just say?” Funniest part is when,

“Christian gazes down at me fondly and shakes his head but doesn’t elaborate.”

Christian be like, “Oh honey, if you weren’t so hot and hadn’t said yes, I’d be taking you in Charlie Tango (helicopter) and push you from above.”

The incident at the rear end of the novel with Elena was unnecessary and could have been avoided, doing no harm to the story. (Assuming that there was room for that “harm”.) EL James got caught up in the execution by accommodating thrilling moment to conjure a perfect moment.

The twist, more precisely, the clandestine at the end seems another poor archetypal effort to fill up the void. The theme for the next novel seems clear from the end of this novel.

supernatural writing article shoot me

As a result of all of the above, all I have for EL James is no obeisance as a writer.

My Rating: 1/5.

Word Count: 
“Oh my” – 47
“Crap” – 36
“Jeez” – 84
“Holy (shit/fuck/crap/hell/cow/moses)” – 124
“Whoa” – 30
“Gasp” – 44
“Gasps” – 17
“Sharp Intake of Breath” – 5
“Murmur” – 91
“Murmurs” – 194
“Whisper” – 140
“Whispers” – 113
“Mutter” – 71
“Mutters” – 48
“Fifty” – 95
“Lip” – 47
“Inner goddess” – 58
“Subconscious” – 59

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